the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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