the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
