i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
