I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
