do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Randomize
