That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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