You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
