just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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