So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
