oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
