I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
