No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
