i think my tv is drunk
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
