Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
