C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
