What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize