Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
