You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
