I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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