I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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