gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
