Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
