WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
