im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm too high and old for this...
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
