she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
