We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
