And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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