i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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