She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
