My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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