Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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