Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
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