where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
