So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I currently don't understand fingers.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
