alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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