I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
