In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
