Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
