The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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