Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
