I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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