just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
