And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
