is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
