whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
