i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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