Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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