I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
