Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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