I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
