all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
