i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
