the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
