Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
