I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
