You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
