I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
