i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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