i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize