I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
