You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
someone owes me an orgasm
i want to swaddle you in tequila
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
