I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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