Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize