I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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