I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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