oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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