Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize