sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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