They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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