Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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