hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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