she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize