Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
