I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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