help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
