mondays should just be called national damage control day
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
