I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
