they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Is her dick bigger than yours?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Randomize
