I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
