i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
