This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
